My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Use "feeling words"
Yay
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
