Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
