so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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