dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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