Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
