I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
