just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
