Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I faked an abortion last night.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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