He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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