Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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