TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
