Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What drink are we having for lunch?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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