it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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