i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
