carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
