PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
