Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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