Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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