If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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