worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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