she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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