how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
