Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You're a waste of cheezeits
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
