She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
