HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
