Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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