Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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