Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I will be naked everywhere
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
