At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
