the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
