so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
