Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
