i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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