in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
