Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
