is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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