i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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