god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
