the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
