I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
