why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
