it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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