my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
