I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
