I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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