Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
one might say we're banned from that church
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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