dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
