U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
