so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
