no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
