broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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