I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's shark week go big or go home
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
