he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
