remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
