I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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