You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
