There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
